EngelFish.Net

When someone graduates from college, you give them a copy of “Oh the Places You’ll Go”. When the graduate then gets outsourced or downsized, you give him/her a copy of “Who Moved My Cheese”. I’ve got two copies of the former, and 5 copies of the latter, which tells you something about my education and career. Mergers, relocations, and “suspension of operations”… all on my resume. My personal life has seen it’s fair share of change as well.

‘Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.’ – JFK

Some of these changes were the result of choices I made, and some had nothing to do with me at all. In general, we cannot control what direction the universe pushes our lives, but we can control how we react. We can choose to resist, trying to hold on to a slippery past, or we can choose to hurl ourselves hopefully into the future. One of those choices is exhausting, and often results in disappointment. The other can also be exhausting, but often results in surprises and opportunities to grow. Just as I wouldn’t advise running into the woods while blindfolded, hurling yourself blindly into the future isn’t always the best approach. Look forward, make some decisions about where you’d like to end up, find the paths that look promising, and *then* run like hell into the woods. It’s worth remembering that you can always choose to leave the path later, and hack out a trail uniquely your own.

‘Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.’ – King Whitney Jr.

Under Pressure (Queen feat. Bowie) on YouTube

Today’s blog post, unlike the recent few, is completely unphilosophical. It’s about shoe shines. I’m not a guy who often looks at shoes, but when you’re on a business trip and bored, you notice things. The first night of the meeting, I looked around the room I realized how well shined everybody else shoes where. I looked down at mine, and discreetly tucked them under the tablecloth. When I got back to my room I called down to the concierge looking for help. 15 minutes later they whisked away my shoes (and belts). When I returned from the gym, my leatherwear was waiting for me, looking better than they had in a long while.

I’m home now, and realize my “untraveled” shoes need attention just as badly. I may have gone to military school and know how to throw on a mean spit-shine, but I don’t want to spend the time. The best shines I’ve ever seen were done by a guy at the RDU airport. Unfortunately, he wasn’t there the day I passed through and he’s on the other side of security… making him an inconvenient option for regular shines. When he works a pair of shoes, the first thing he does is wash the leather with a special shampoo to remove the grime and old polish. Once cleaned, he works polish into the leather with a brush, then buffs a shine in with a soft brush and then with a buffing cloth. My shoes always come out looking terrific, and I always think to myself that I need to shine my shoes more often.

That being the case, I have a reminder in my calendar prompting me monthly to shine shoes, oil boots, check car fluid levels, and other such exciting things. I acknowledge the reminder each time, but never seem to act on it. This month, I’ll see what I can do about not ignoring that prompt and “get a good shine on”. There might be some shopping involved, and some rooting around in the back of my closet, but I think it can be done. We’ll see…

When you hear the word “partner” what do you think of? Buddy cop movies? Lawyers? Same sex couples? It is a word that describes all of the above, and far more. As social creatures, we have partners in our academic, personal and professional lives. From group projects in college to 3-legged races at the company picnic, we frequently have to rely on others to help us reach our goals. Often our partners are chosen by circumstance, but we are regularly in a position to select them ourselves. If you’re looking for someone to help you with a paper on the technological advances of the Roman Empire, you’re probably going to call the smartest guy in class. When your boss tasks you to roll out a totally new product line, you’ll probably turn to the person with the most product launch experience. If you’re building a team for the start-up you’ve invested your life savings in, you’ll look for people whose strengths reinforce the areas where your resources are thinnest.

What about in your personal life? I doubt if most people think about “finding a partner” in the same way as the previous examples. Wouldn’t the same qualities desired be necessary though? Intelligence, Experience, Complimentary Strengths, Trust? And certainly Love. Setting aside the lightning-strike of love-at-first-sight, which is intuitive and unexplainable, all of these things should be considered, if only in passing. I had a college buddy who did a pros-and-cons list for every girl he asked out. I thought that was a bit over the line, and the girls normally did too. I also had a friend who regularly moved in with her new boyfriend because he was always “The One.” Eventually, she was right, but there were many, many calls along the way asking if I was available that weekend and still had a pickup truck. I think we all consider these qualities over the weeks, months, and years that we spend getting to know our partners. We watch them with their families, see them dealing with financial and career decisions, and listen to them when they talk with us about their worries. This learning process is never-ending, as everyone grows and changes throughout their lives. It is thought provoking when I consider what kind of partner I am to my wife. It is an exercise that we all should do regularly.

“But if we learn to think of it as anticipation, as learning, as growing, if we think of the time we spend waiting for the big things of life as an opportunity instead of a passing of time, what wonderful horizons open out!” – Anna Neagle

We don’t have much control over the situations which wander into our lives, but we do have control over ourselves. We can choose not just how to act, but how to think *about* the situations. We can think of the layoff as a financial disaster, or as an opportunity to do something new (unlocking the golden handcuffs). If we spend our time waiting for the next big thing to happen during our journey through life, we miss out on the value of the journey itself.

“when you’re no longer thinking ahead, each footstep isn’t just a means to an end but a unique event in itself [...] To live only for some future goal is shallow. It’s the sides of the mountain which sustain life, not the top.” – Robert Pirsig

So what are you in the process of doing, or learning? How are you spending your time, enriching your life daily? Are you waiting for the next promotion, or your next vacation? You probably did things last week to meet goals at work, but what did you accomplish for you? If you are not doing something every day to excite yourself, or to make yourself happy, then what can you do *today* to change that?