EngelFish.Net

When you hear the word “partner” what do you think of? Buddy cop movies? Lawyers? Same sex couples? It is a word that describes all of the above, and far more. As social creatures, we have partners in our academic, personal and professional lives. From group projects in college to 3-legged races at the company picnic, we frequently have to rely on others to help us reach our goals. Often our partners are chosen by circumstance, but we are regularly in a position to select them ourselves. If you’re looking for someone to help you with a paper on the technological advances of the Roman Empire, you’re probably going to call the smartest guy in class. When your boss tasks you to roll out a totally new product line, you’ll probably turn to the person with the most product launch experience. If you’re building a team for the start-up you’ve invested your life savings in, you’ll look for people whose strengths reinforce the areas where your resources are thinnest.

What about in your personal life? I doubt if most people think about “finding a partner” in the same way as the previous examples. Wouldn’t the same qualities desired be necessary though? Intelligence, Experience, Complimentary Strengths, Trust? And certainly Love. Setting aside the lightning-strike of love-at-first-sight, which is intuitive and unexplainable, all of these things should be considered, if only in passing. I had a college buddy who did a pros-and-cons list for every girl he asked out. I thought that was a bit over the line, and the girls normally did too. I also had a friend who regularly moved in with her new boyfriend because he was always “The One.” Eventually, she was right, but there were many, many calls along the way asking if I was available that weekend and still had a pickup truck. I think we all consider these qualities over the weeks, months, and years that we spend getting to know our partners. We watch them with their families, see them dealing with financial and career decisions, and listen to them when they talk with us about their worries. This learning process is never-ending, as everyone grows and changes throughout their lives. It is thought provoking when I consider what kind of partner I am to my wife. It is an exercise that we all should do regularly.

“But if we learn to think of it as anticipation, as learning, as growing, if we think of the time we spend waiting for the big things of life as an opportunity instead of a passing of time, what wonderful horizons open out!” - Anna Neagle

We don’t have much control over the situations which wander into our lives, but we do have control over ourselves. We can choose not just how to act, but how to think *about* the situations. We can think of the layoff as a financial disaster, or as an opportunity to do something new (unlocking the golden handcuffs). If we spend our time waiting for the next big thing to happen during our journey through life, we miss out on the value of the journey itself.

“when you’re no longer thinking ahead, each footstep isn’t just a means to an end but a unique event in itself [...] To live only for some future goal is shallow. It’s the sides of the mountain which sustain life, not the top.” - Robert Pirsig

So what are you in the process of doing, or learning? How are you spending your time, enriching your life daily? Are you waiting for the next promotion, or your next vacation? You probably did things last week to meet goals at work, but what did you accomplish for you? If you are not doing something every day to excite yourself, or to make yourself happy, then what can you do *today* to change that?

The Mindfulist posed the question recently, “If today were your last, what would you do right now? What would go straight to first place on your to do list?” Thinking about my answer made me consider the questions “Who would you spend your last day with, and what does that answer tell you?”

People talk about prominent sports figures “getting back to basics”, and the concept seems to ring true, either from practical experience or common sense. You should be able to do the same thing with your personal life. The question is, what exactly are the basics of your personal life? What is it you get back to and practice? Do you practice living in the moment, or planning for the future. Focusing on hard work, or playing. Taking care of yourself first, or helping others? The question makes me think back to Psych 101 and Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Find what level you’re on, and what would be appropriate for meeting those needs. Then again, I may be intellectualizing/overthinking it. What advice would you give to someone who is trying to simplify their life and “get back to basics”. And do you live by your own advice?

Life is rarely, if ever, clean and simple. But simplicity is a good goal. I think it is fairly common for most folks to stop every once in a while and realize how crazy they have allowed their life and schedule to become. We often keep saying yes to new commitments at work, at home, and in our relationships, even if we don’t have the resources (time, energy, money) to effectively meet those commitments. My todo lists (yes plural), have 691 things, of which 245 are supposed to be done “In the Short Term”. That is a little bit past the line where ridiculous starts. This Saturday I am sitting down for 2 hours and going through those lists. I will start by moving everything to a temporary list, and then really consider the importance, the immediacy, the impact and the investment required for each item. Some things will go on the “need to do soon” list and some will be “need to do TODAY”, but I will be moving as many as I can to a “Someday/Maybe” list, which I can then choose to ignore with abandon. If my list of things to accomplish today is only one or two tasks long, then I stand a chance. If it has 25 things, I will likely procrastinate instead of facing that wall of unfinishable dreck. It was recently pointed out to me by a pretty objective person that I might be a weeee bit A.D.D. (insert eye rolls from my friends and family here). I might as well be pragmatic and figure out how to work around my “oh look, there’s a distraction” tendencies. So… my goal is to pick only 3 things list items each week, and focus on accomplishing just those 3. If I keep it up for 230 weeks, my todo list will be empty.